DEAR ABBY: I’ve always been close to my children, but now that they are adults, it seems I’m losing my connection with one of them. He married a girl of a different race, and while that doesn’t bother me, I have a strong hunch she’s the reason he has distanced himself from not only me, but also the rest of the family.
When I recently shared with him that I felt his wife is a bit of a busybody and had overstepped some boundaries, he told me he no longer wants a relationship with me. I don’t think I said anything so bad that he’d totally remove himself from my or our lives, but I’m no longer going to try to force him to be a part of this family.
After I blocked his wife from social media (because she doesn’t interact, but stalks and then reports back to him), he has blocked me. I’m usually good at dealing with conflict, but he’s steadily drawing further and further away. I love all my children, but he needs to realize it’s not ALL about his wife — we’re his family, too. I really need help with this one.
— ADULTS’ MOM
DEAR ADULTS’ MOM: Leaving your daughter-in-law and her race out of this for a moment, the situation you have described is one that sometimes happens when a son gets married. When that happens, the young man’s allegiance switches from mom and family to his wife.
Your daughter-in-law reviewing your posts and discussing them with your son isn’t outrageous, particularly if he isn’t viewing them himself. Were you posting something she found hurtful or offensive? If the answer is no, you may have to accept that, for whatever reason, your son has decided to move in a different direction. If the answer is yes, offer an apology and see if it’s possible to bury the hatchet.
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DEAR READERS: On Dec. 6, I published a letter from “Lost in Louisiana,” whose daughter’s fiance canceled their wedding three days prior to the event “because she’s bisexual.” The parent was worried about her daughter’s new choices in female partners and upset that she had lied, and requested her daughter not bring these women around.
After responding to the letter, I heard from members of the LGBTQ+ community — in particular, bisexual people — saying I “could have done better” with my response.
I have since learned that the bisexual community is the largest segment of the LGBTQ+ community, the least visible and the most misunderstood. This has contributed to perpetuating the myth that bisexuality is a halfway point between straight and gay, a “stepping-stone” to people coming out as lesbian or gay, or an identity people claim in order to deny being lesbian or gay. NOT TRUE.
Being bisexual simply means that the person has the capacity to be attracted to people of different genders. And because one is bisexual does not mean they cannot be monogamous.
I regret that I didn’t point out to the parents that their unsupportive response may be a reason their daughter had not come out to them as bisexual earlier.
Further, I could have suggested that to become a safe, loving and affirming presence for their daughter, they educate themselves about bisexuality. If they do, their daughter may be more open to hearing their concerns about her choices in partners, which is less about the gender of those partners and more about their treatment of their daughter.
